i find that if i follow one over the other, my decisions usually end in ruins...
trying to decide on thought alone, has kept me from experiencing things that I think I probably should have, in retrospect....
following emotion alone has led me down some frustrating and overly emotional paths...with the end result usually being the polar opposite of the emotion i started out following...
In 2003, I had the opportunity to see dredg play in worcester MA. It was a week night and I had to get up very early the next morning to go to my job (that summer I was painting houses...a huge mistake...further leading to this next huge mistake).
My friend had an extra ticket for me and everything.....I turned down the offer because, even though they were a favorite band of mine, I didn't want to have to deal with being overly tired the next day, yada yada....
i regret not seeing that show to this day....as not only did dredg put on an excellent performance (i've heard the recording) but it would have been the first time I would have seen them live....and i could have seen codeseven and strata with them too...now I'll never see codeseven, a current favorite of mine...and i've only seen strata once...which is not looking like i'll see them again either....
a lame story....but......fits the situation....
2. using emotion...
this past year....has been....very emotionally charged for me in various ways. what I will discuss here is that, a year ago...almost to today....the girl that I have loved the most in all of my life left me. That relationship, logically, never should have ever happened.....it was doomed to fail from before it even started....but we didn't care.....our hearts were in the same place then.....they might even still be now....from what i understand......but regardless, we didn't pay attention to logic.... we just went with it anyway and it ended to the great displeasure of us both..........and i've basically been rebuilding myself from that day on.....making some other poor decisions in the following year, purely based on the fact that i just didn't think about the out come of any of them......
i believe i'm beyond that now......i'm sure i'll make decisions that lean more towards one side than the other....but...i think i've found a happy medium of emotion and thought........
less boring? maybe not....but more typing at least
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We'll fuck standing and we'll fuck then lying, if they had wings we'll fuck them flying, when they are dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck them rotten.
It might not come as a surprise that I decide most things with emotion. That's hard to admit, but if I'm being honest, there it is.
I'm lucky in that I've not regretted most decisions I've made in life (from talking with other people this is rare and fortunate), so the "emotion" aspect of my decision-making and the way I live seems to be working for me. I've made mistakes, sure, but everybody does.
The few paths in life on which thought had guided me have been rewarding but always difficult: religion, my worldview, most of my political activities, and (to a lesser extent) my education and my marriage.
It would have been much easier to just ignore what I know and keep believing in God. It would have been much easier to ignore what I know and stay apolitical and ignorant. It would have been easier to remain uneducated and the above two sentences would have taken care of themselves.
It would have been easier to stay away from my spouse.
But, wow, the ultimate rewards are breathtakingly wonderful.
But, wow, the ultimate rewards are breathtakingly wonderful.
Ugh. That is awfully sappy.
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We'll fuck standing and we'll fuck then lying, if they had wings we'll fuck them flying, when they are dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck them rotten.
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