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- Dane Cook will reveal that he is actually Pauly Shore, no one will be surprised.
- The new Mars Volta album will not contain the newly leaked songs, but will only include static and various people reading the Harry Potter books backwards.
- Dennis Kucinich will win the presidency, but only because he starts wearing an eye patch in early January.
- the writers strike will continue, therefore spawning reality shows like an animal dating show, the return of Global Guts, and a show that entitles the contestants to fix their VCR clock in record time (they're calling it "Are Smarter Than A VCR?")
- Zenjiro will inevitably return. This time he'll have to change his name to Sparky Von DerDer and after every post he'll have to write, "but what do I know? I'm just Sparky Von DerDer" If he doesn't he'll get banned again.
- Three Days Grace will have a rash of bad luck. Causing them to become janitors at their local elementary school. There will be much rejoicing.
- Britney Spears will travel to Tibet to become a Buddhist. Only to be eventually shot by a young Buddhist monk who "was sick of her shit."
- The new Mars Volta album will not contain the newly leaked songs, but will only include static and various people reading the Harry Potter books backwards.
- Dennis Kucinich will win the presidency, but only because he starts wearing an eye patch in early January.
- the writers strike will continue, therefore spawning reality shows like an animal dating show, the return of Global Guts, and a show that entitles the contestants to fix their VCR clock in record time (they're calling it "Are Smarter Than A VCR?")
- Zenjiro will inevitably return. This time he'll have to change his name to Sparky Von DerDer and after every post he'll have to write, "but what do I know? I'm just Sparky Von DerDer" If he doesn't he'll get banned again.
- Three Days Grace will have a rash of bad luck. Causing them to become janitors at their local elementary school. There will be much rejoicing.
- Britney Spears will travel to Tibet to become a Buddhist. Only to be eventually shot by a young Buddhist monk who "was sick of her shit."
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